We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
