I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
