Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
