I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
