Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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