My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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