census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
