why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We have started to decorate penises.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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