i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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