If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just googled if crying burns calories
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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