JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
