your parents love me but you hate me
My sheets look like a crime scene.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
