Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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