Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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