I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
