wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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