he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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