Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
