Who did Billy Mays play for?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
