Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Randomize
