I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Houston, we have a blender
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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