Dual....:-)
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Randomize
