Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
