So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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