I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Drake has all the answers
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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