If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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