In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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