I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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