Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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