people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
