she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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