is your mom at the bar?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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