Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(615): View more from Tennessee

She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory

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(203): View more from Connecticut

You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup

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(906): View more from Michigan

Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?

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(505): View more from New Mexico

We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.

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(210): View more from Texas

If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.

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(585): View more from New York

Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew

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(406): View more from Montana

All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.

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