JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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