I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
