He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
