Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
