i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I wannas sexs uuuuu
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
