next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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