At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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