some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
