Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
