Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
