He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
