After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
