I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
