all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
