hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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