Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
