turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
