Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
