I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
