I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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